2006 Barstool Open
by Zachary Shields

This issue we depart from our normal restaurant-tour format to ensure that you’re aware of Decatur’s merriest annual philanthropic event — and the very worthy cause it represents. We believe in recognizing worthy causes. We also believe in barstools. And hey hey! The United Cerebral Palsy Land of Lincoln/Miller Lite Barstool Open incorporates both.

Shorthand orientation: Teams of four pony up $25 per person to tote along a putter and travel a “course” of seven holes at seven different pubs. Each participating establishment dreams up an interesting design, while players vote on scorecards to determine the best challenge on their particular route. This year’s event falls on Saturday, January 14th. You can choose one of three separate courses to warm up this generally frigid weekend:

A – Brews & Q’s (Players), Elbow Room Lounge, Starship and Enterprise Grill, Gregory’s Bar & Grill, Taters, Carlos O’Kelly’s Café, Curly’s Bar & Grill

B – Friendly’s, Rocco’s, Cornerstone Tavern, The Bourbon Barrel, Eldorado End Zone, Lock Stock & Barrel, The Winery

C – Lincoln Lounge, Pastabilities, Bizou, Katz on Merchant, Doherty’s Pub, The Escape Lounge, Knights of Columbus

Many people pick the one with their favorite watering hole included, but others branch out in order to try less familiar places. In the end, though, everybody wins. United Cerebral Palsy Land of Lincoln offers programs and services to more than 1,200 area individuals and families in need. The agency couldn’t do so without the Open’s popularity. The fact that the event is both necessary and a heck of a lot of laughs leads to a ton of returning customers.

Decatur Blue President Dann Nelson donates all the printed materials necessary to make it happen. He also has played in each of the four previous renewals.

Co-worker Mark Drain serves as the unofficial “Course Architect,” consulting with new participants to provide inspiration. “Jim Gresham won ‘Best Hole’ the first year,” Drain says, “and some of those Lock Stock & Barrel designs have been intense.” His all-time favorite, though, is the Bourbon Barrel’s memorable effort. “They had goldfish in some of the cups, and if your ball landed in one of them you had to eat it. The more sober players passed. Some of the others… well, they didn’t.”

Chris Frank of the Bourbon Barrel explains that her brother-in-law, Tim Miller, designed the hole to resemble the old Plinko game on The Price is Right. Standing in for the wooden pegs are Miller Lite bottles, each filled with water to a different level so as to ping at varied octaves when the ball ricochets through them.

Nelson’s crew really makes an outing of it, with his staffers forming three separate teams represented by one mascot – Beary Blue. The first year they even booked a limousine to cart them around. The Decatur Blue office displays a poster commemorating the inaugural Open, during which players were photographed at each bar to record their successively sloppier grins. It brings a whole new connotation to “progressive dining,” you could say.

Talk to anybody who’s attended one of these suckers, and they’ll gladly share a funny anecdote. “One of those years, we came in through the back door at Curly’s (Bar & Grill), and Suzy just about got her head taken off with a wayward line drive," Nelson chuckles. Apparently, her expression alone was worth the price of admission.

Not that a person should worry about bodily harm, though. Most of the proceedings are far more civil, and protecting participants is an absolute imperative for the organizational committee. They’re less worried about putt-putt etiquette than the golf carts – because while sobriety isn’t required, safety is.

“We’re extremely lucky to have some automobile dealers in this community who are very generous,” says Taters owner Kemper Wilcutt, Sr., who helps coordinate the vehicles that shuttle players from venue to venue. "It just does your heart good to see how so many people are willing to contribute for a good cause."

According to Wilcutt, Baldwin Shuttle, Bob Brady Dodge, Decatur Buick, Enterprise Rent-a-Car, Jackson Ford, Nick’s Auto Body, and Miles Chevrolet donated more than $250,000 worth of free wheels for last year’s renewal. He estimates they’ll require 21 large vans this year, about three times as many as the first time around the block. Many other area businesses provide volunteer chauffeurs to drive them. (For the record, Wilcutt's role on the day of the event entails a bar stool, a bullhorn, and heckling every would-be Bobby Jones who steps up to the putting green at his restaurant.)

Denny Harris of Geo. A. Mueller Beer Company serves as co-chair of the 2006 event. Miller Lite is again the major corporate backer, underwriting everything from t-shirts to post-event entertainment. “The Miller Brewing Company has been a sponsor of Cerebral Palsy fundraising at the national level for years,” says Harris, who has arranged support for the Decatur Barstool Open since the idea first migrated eastward from the Springfield agency.

“This is a really fun thing for a cold January day, when there’s not much else to do,” Harris adds, attributing some of the event’s continued success to the ingenuity displayed by bar owners. “They've gotten pretty creative . . . and it's neat to see what they do with their designs each year, and how they tweak them.”

This year’s event…

The Knights of Columbus Hall will host a pre-game breakfast beginning at 8:30 a.m. on Saturday, January 14, and an after-party where winners and Best Hole are announced. Promotional information is available in participating establishments. Pre-registration is heartily appreciated and encouraged so you can play the course of your choice. Sign up at any of the stops, or call the Decatur UCP office at 420-1640.

Contributor Zachary Shields' clan holds a longstanding love of golf, boasting many skilled putters trained under the watchful eye of family patriarch Grandpa Paul. His grandson, however, is less accomplished in this particular phase of the game.