Bowled Over Bar Crawl
by Zachary Shields

The 501 Club is taking over the world.
They plant operatives at your bank. They reserve the roomiest tables at your favorite restaurants. They just joined your health club, and want to play racquetball in your customary time-slot on Court #2. There’s not much you can do about it, either, because they have a distinct chronological advantage over the crowd currently running the city. If you get lippy, they can easily afford to wait it out ‘til you’re gone. Best strategy? Try and make friends with them.

This shouldn’t be too taxing, since their entire basis for membership is a willingness to mingle. Age 21 to 35 and like to boogie? You’re in.

Lori Sturgill is marketing director for Decatur’s Chamber of Commerce. David Casillas, Jr. is a product manager at Tate & Lyle, and Alison Mormino is a legislative aide to State Representative Bob Flider. Heather Taylor is the employee development training consultant at Caterpillar. Besides being witty conversationalists and snappy dressers, what do these four have in common? All 501-ers.

There isn’t a secret handshake or anything. Nor is the code of conduct complicated. These people are social chameleons – they can go most anyplace and turn it into a fiesta.

As Heather puts it: “No matter what town or what type of establishment you’re in, you make it what it is.” So it seemed like a good idea to tour three pubs that might not typically be associated with up-and-coming young professionals.

We’re talking bowling alley bars.

Many moons ago, Contributor Lynn McClure wrote the definitive article on finger food available in the grills. Now we chart where to slake your thirst after those onion rings.

Spare Time Lanes
2870 N. Jasper

Time of visit: 7:22 p.m.

Welcoming committee: Neon red sign on the building emits such a friendly glow it would make Gollum look tan. Lounge bartender, about sixty, quite cordial. When our first choice is unavailable, she gives us a pitcher for five bucks instead of six-fifty.

Party-friendly features: A stage. Vintage photos of cover-bands that have played here in the past. Delightfully tacky orange-pleather booths. Leads to distinctively 20-something conversation — buying versus renting, second bedrooms versus finished basements, etc.

Overheard: (David) “If it suddenly became cool in Hollywood to hang out in authentic bowling alley bars, THIS is the place they should replicate.”

Troubling observations: Good draft beer selection. Except the Killian’s tap didn’t work. Then we got the last pitcher of Bud Select. More alarming – the fact that a member of our party was trapped into the dreaded side-by-side urinal conversation with a guy who bowls four nights a week and said, quote, “My old lady just has to deal with it.”

Revealing stat: Either the 400 million bowlers there on league night (but zero additional patrons in the lounge), or the seemingly hundreds of bottles of flavored Pucker liquor. Grape, Sour Apple, Lime – Alison and David declare it the Pucker Palace!

Pla-Mor Lanes
2121 N. 22nd Street

Time of visit: 8:40 p.m.

Welcoming committee: People don’t get any nicer than Richard, Carla, Tom and the crew – or if they do, those people must live in Switzerland. And we’re not just saying this because they’re so supportive of Bowl For Kids’ Sake. Although this IS an excellent place for a shameless plug: Mark your calendars and collect your pledges for March.

Party-friendly features: Lounge area is smaller here, but has the advantage of feeling cozy, like your Grandpa Al’s basement bar — the one with the player piano, plastic poker chips, framed caricatures and JR’s beer, as in the guy from old Dallas re-runs, with his picture on the can and the quote, “If you have to ask how much it is, you can’t afford it.” Very good Feng Shui.

Overheard: (From Lori) “I feel like a winner in here. I feel like I’m gonna go out and bowl a couple of strikes. It must be all the Cardinals memorabilia.”

(Us) “What about people who would like that Cubs memorabilia over there?”

(Lori) “Yeah… I don’t really care about Cubs people.”

Disturbing observations: None, except that the bartender bears a passing resemblance to Kris Kristofferson. Which makes you think about Janis Joplin. Which is depressing.

Revealing stat(s): Big-screen TV measures at least four paychecks (if you’re a freelance writer). Also, only 16’7” from lounge to nearest possible lane. Neato.

Bonus pin prompt…

Doherty’s
242 E. William Street

Trot yourself over and hit this newly renovated spot — formerly Shaefer’s — for something a little different. Think classic corner Irish pub meets monogrammed bowling balls.

Due to extreme shyness and severe agoraphobia, Mr. Shields has declined 501 membership. He did, however, sign up his wife, who is quite the social butterfly. You too can register, absolutely free, at www.decatur501club.org. If you’re outside the age window, register somebody else. They’ll thank you for it!